Sometimes, you takes these things for granted

 Everything about this story is awesome. From the Weird Universe piece to the title of the actual news article it came from. "A Happy Ending for a Farmer's Anus Woes". Seriously. How can you not love an article with that kind of title?

I am pretty happy for the farmer, I have to say.

Drunk Up To Their Eyeballs

So, apparently the new fad in drinking is pouring Vodka directly into your eye. Considering the news source is a branch of Fox News, I'm leaning towards urban legend, but still pretty great none the less.